Faces of death, funeral photos?

Sitting around the kitchen in my apartment somehow or another, I don’t recall the start of the conversation, but my sister in law and I got to talking about funerals and final arrangements. A rather morbid conversation for a sunny Saturday morning I know, but hell I was hung over and the thought of eternal peace had nice ring to it.

Either way, we delved into the discussion; and for many people who already know me they know exactly what kind of blow out I want, obnoxious insane and over the top. A final hurrah before I become worm food. The conversation itself was a pretty gruesome one, but tinged with humor until we touched upon the issue of whether or not it is polite to take pictures at funeral. I informed her that it would her job to keep the paparazzi at bay at my funeral, and she quipped that it shouldn’t bother me as I wasn’t going to get the final say in what was shown anyway. We bickered back and forth for a few moments and actually realized we had a difference of opinion on the subject. I must admit, my personal vanity aside, I really do have a problem with cameras at funerals.

I mean seriously, I did not actually believe people did this! I personally find it rather morbid; I'd rather remember the deceased alive, but there were a few mourners at my father’s services who “politely” asked if they could take pictures. I politely refused they’re request and “politely” told them that if I saw so much as one flash or heard a zoom lens or click then said camera would be buried along with my father. I didn’t yell, I didn’t scream, I didn’t even swear, I believe my direct quote was “I will break it, it will not be replaced, please keep that in mind.” They were incredulous that I would not grant this request but respected my wishes at the funeral home.

Unfortunately that respect did not extend to the funeral mass or the graveside service. Despite my direct order that there be no cameras or recording devices present; some asshole showed up at the church with a damned camcorder! His only saving grace was the fact that I had to keep my composure so as not to upset my mother or he would have gotten an extreme close-up of my fist and then the casket, after making sure my mother was okay I made my way over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. “I can arrange for a close up of the body if you like.” He heard my furious whisper and immediately turned the camera off apologizing profusely.

I was too stressed and in shock at the time to reflect on his behavior and just chalked it up to downright creepiness and rudeness. But over the years, and in the funerals I have attended (too many, always too many) I have noticed an increase in shutterbugs hovering over a casket snapping away as if the deceased is suddenly going to snap out of it and give us “blue steel” or some other such modeling nonsense. Then there are those who walk around the funeral parlor with a video camera in tow, zooming in on the grieving faces of family and friends, making like Martin-frikken-Scorcese! It's down right obscene! I’ve always associated cameras, video recorders, and photos as a way to capture and relive happy memories. Funerals are somber and mournful occasions, not a place to mingle and ask people to pose for shots or say a little something to the camera.

Who really wants to remember such a heart-breaking event in such vivid detail? Are there people out there who pop in the video of Grandma’s funeral and sit down with a big bowl of popcorn to relive the experience? Do you gather the family around at family reunions and watch slide shows of uncle Bob’s corpse and the close up of aunt Bridget tearfully falling to her knees at the graveside? What kind of memories are preserved when you open up the family photo albums and see pictures of corpses, coffins and grief? I don’t get it, I really don’t. It just seems creepy to me have a picture of someone in a casket in your photo album, or in your video collection.

Also it seems rather rude to be snapping pictures of the deceased especially in front of the family, is there some sort of etiquette for this? I won’t sit here and deny that the mourning process and grieving is painful, but to have constant reminder of such a tragic event, to be able tangibly record it for posterity has got to be detrimental to those that remain behind. Maybe I’m wrong…who knows. It is my opinion that if you truly want to remember the deceased you celebrate their life as you knew them; through pictures of them during happy times, during periods of growth and development, milestones. They should live on in our hearts and minds through stories, anecdotes, funny memories and sharing these experiences with the loved ones that remain.

http://www.thisisby.us/index.php/content/live_fast__die_young__and_leave_a_good_looking_corpse